Relationships. We've all had one, or two…or twenty (plus). It's fair to say that the age-old tradition of marrying your high school sweetheart is pretty much dead and buried for most of us. After all, we've got to try the market before we buy, right? It's not a loss of romance; we've just become savvy shoppers. So, how do we know when we've found the ONE? A lot of people say 'when you know, you know' but then I'm sure I'm not the only person who has thought that and then a year down the line, kicked myself for being so foolish. I guess this love stuff is complicated and individual to us all - but I do think there are some signs that indicate that it's looking pretty good for the two of you (or the three of you, if you're into that).
- Being with them doesn't feel like a chore.
I've had a few relationships where it's all felt like a bit of an effort. Where spending an entire day with just that one person is a bit of a daunting prospect.
'God, I'm going to have to shave my legs and actually get out of bed today?'
'I think I'll book the cinema, so I don't have to talk to them.'
'Maybe I can pretend I don't feel well and have a night to myself?'
- Their bad habits don't make you want to stab them/yourself.
A wise man once said something about a person's imperfections making them perfect (and then John Legend sung about it) and I think this is true.
Sure, it may annoy you if they eat with their mouth open or snore all the time - but you're willing to work around these things. There's never any habit too big to make you question your feelings for them. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you learn to accept them for who they are, nail biting and all.
;) Maybe you even start to find their little habits cute.
- You have fun doing literally nothing with them
There's no need to make any big plans or fill your days with adventures and stuff to keep you busy. Comfortable silences can exist between you. You can hang out just the two of you, in bed, pillow talking about everything and nothing - these are some of the most treasured moments of your relationships because it's just the two of you together and the rest of the world fades away for a while.
- They're the first person you turn to. (Mum not included)
Having a bad day? Stressed with work? They're first person you think of calling or texting. They always know the right thing to say to make you feel better because, well, they know you better than anyone else.
- They bring out the best version of ourselves.
We all have our flaws; humans are multi-faceted creatures after all. I know that I'm not always the best person in terms of patience, temperament or tolerance. However, we have good parts too and when we're with the right person, they bring out or kinder and softer side. We feel better about ourselves because of the person they remind us we can be.
- You don't keep BIG secrets.
Alright, so you don't have to tell them that you thought their one off attempt at cooking was awful, or that you sometimes devour share size portions of chocolate all to yourself - but you don't feel the need to keep any big secrets from them.
Even if it's about mistakes you've made or things you worry people would usually judge you for; you're comfortable enough with them to let them see the real you and confident that they'll still love you anyway.
- You're happy to let them live their own lives.
Needing TOTAL control and possession of the other person's life is probably a sign of major insecurity and we all know the kinds of issues that causes. You trust them and you respect them. You believe it healthy for them to have their own space now and then and do things with friends without you having to be there. They're not your property, they're your partner.
- You are willing to compromise.
Differences are GOING to exist.
If you want to date someone who agrees with you on everything, you may as well just date yourself. Besides, it'd be boring if there wasn't some kind of debate now and then and I think we all need someone to challenge us from time to time. However, you don't let this go too far - you're willing to meet them half way on matters. Maybe they have an interest in something you find totally dull but you'll share the interest with them now and then, because it makes you happy to see them happy.
- You don't entertain the idea of ever being with anyone else.
If you find yourself making back-up plans, or keeping someone on the side just in case it ever goes wrong, you're probably in the wrong relationship.
You need to commit wholly and fully and have no qualms in doing so. Chances are if you plan on splitting up, you eventually will. So why waste each other's time at all?
10. You know they'd do all of the above for you too.
